Prostitution Report
from Brazil

Friday in Sao Paulo.

Six months ago I was sharper than I am today. It appears I’ve lost any gains I’ve made with Portuguese. I can’t keep up with people speaking to me. Before, I had difficulties translating what I wanted to say but, I could understand pretty much what people said to me. I’ll hit the streets this evening and see what happens.

United Airlines stinks. They provide the little “kit” to international travelers in business and first class only. The rest of us are now out of luck. Cutbacks. Next time, I’ll be sure to pack my toothbrush near the top of my carry-on. The plane looked like it had seen better days. It was dented, scratched, gouged. Poor thing. It looked a bit war-torn and weary but, got me here in one piece. The seat, 29E, wanted for a bit of cushioning but because I had the entire 3-seat row from Miami, I could lay down and spread the load across several beat up bolsters.For now, I’ll shower, sleep, and get ready for clubbing tonight.Ok, met Mr. Whosit for dinner. We chewed the fat and caught up on happenings. Ol’ dude had a long day and a “booty call” that night so, he dropped me at the hotel. I, in turn, snagged a taxi and headed for Café Millennium. Now, as I understand, Café M is relatively new. A year or so, so I’m told. Expecting it would be more expensive than say, Bahamas, I decided to check it out and take one for the team.

Café M operates by a different set of rules. First, you pay $70R to enter. This $70R is your “minimum” tab. If you don’t partake, you pay $70R. (Kind of like the system I ran into in Amsterdam some years ago.) As you eat, drink, take a massage (yes, com uma mulher), get a haircut (a girl or a guy for this service), etc, Café M deducts it from for $70R requirement. If you cross $70R you pay whatever your tab becomes.

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Contrast this with Bahamas where you pay $50 or $75 to enter then, they run a “tally” for your food, drinks, etc. Although, I do not remember haircuts or massages (as in “damn, I just came from a 22 hours flight and my back hurts”) on the menu at Bahamas.So here’s the breakdown: What # $ $Tot Caipirnha de pinga 2 20 40 Refrigerante 1 7 7 (had to recover from 2 caipirnhas) Glass of water (still coming down off those two drinks) Cocktail de Frutas 1 30 30 (Yep, for a girl) Fichas de Bilhar 2 5 10 (tokens for pool table) Periodo 1 50 50 (Uh, room “rental” for an hour) Parking 5

Total 142 (137 without parking)Watch the “parking” charge. I always took a taxi and they only asked if I drove after I contested the charge. But, they immediately removed it without a fuss.Typical set up. You enter. They give you a card with your “number” and you use the number to charge things all night long. Oh, by the way, this place is open from noon to 5 am every day except Sunday. I’m told Tuesdays are “biquini” day. Wear your bikini and get laughed at. The girls all dress in bikinis.Now, Amanda was a young girl who was still learning the ropes. I found this out only after engaging her…services.

About 5’ 2”, 5’ flippin’ 10” in those crazy heels. 120 pounds. Morena with long hair past her shoulders. Tanned, of course. We talked awhile and she told me the cost would be $150R. (Contrast this with Bahama’s opening bid of $200 – $250R.) So, she took my card (dangerous) gave it to the ladies at “reception” (they noted the number), they returned the card, an Amanda and I were off.

Note. When I first entered, I asked if anyone there spoke English so I could learn the rules of the house. I didn’t want to get hosed as happened in Rio at Monte Carlo with hidden friggin’ fees popping up like gophers. Eventually, two gents (managers) came out and established they couldn’t provide any English but, if I could understand French, German, Italian, Dutch, or Spanish, they could help me out. I speak Spanish and some French (merci, madame Stanley) and they laid out the whole plan. It was early (11p or midnight) so, they grabbed Amanda and asked her to give me the tour.

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Sub-basement Ladies dorm. No kidding. They live on site (I hear most ladies are imported from all over Brazil) which could be bad if you’re trying to get with one during daylight hours. Basement Parking Main floor Dance floor, pool (piscina), restaurant, bar. First Floor Gym (cardio only, think that ladies want to work off fat, not build muscle and it makes sense), sauna (dry and steam), hairstylist, massage room, dressing rooms Floors 2- 3 Rooms. I’m told each has Jacuzzi. I saw the master suite. Jacuzzi room for 5-6 persons, in plain sight of the bed. Nice.

So, back to Amanda. Insisted I take a shower, which I intended but, she wouldn’t join me. My clothes were in a corner of the room that I could see from inside the shower. When I came out, she wrapped a towel around herself, took off her clothes, got in the shower, and barely got wet. By the time she came out, I was on the bed half asleep. She had previously placed two condoms on the bed. She straddled me, ground her hips a few times and said, “come”.I still don’t understand it. I can not believe that any cat could get so interested in not seeing anything that he’d get aroused by her sitting on top of him.She looked a little irritated then, leaned over, and kissed me (mouth closed). She looked up, sat up, sighed, removed her panties, sighed again, slid back and proceeded to deliver the most uninspired (or should I say uninspiring) blowjob I’ve had the mis-fortune to endure.

She slipped on the condom, mounted, and immediately began this ‘70ish porn queen moaning thing. She looked down, got a bit more irritated, rolled off, offered doggie and began moaning again. She kept asking if I was done and grew more irritated when I answered “no”. Finally, she asked, “Porque nao?” I howled. As ol’ girl turned around to “verify” my answer (checked the condom, I kid you not), the horn rang signaling it was time to go. The more I laughed the more puzzled she looked.

It hit me that she my be way too inexperienced to work in a joint like that. As I explained that way things work, all men are different, some need this, that, the other thing, she grew more intent. She really had no idea and was hearing this for the first time. Yet, she insisted she was 25 and this was not her first “time”. I’m not feeling real good about this one gents. My advice is to query the girl to gain some idea of her age or experience. “Breaking in” some gent’s young daughter is not on my list of things to do in this life…

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So, I button up and pay her the agreed upon $150R.Oh, and it gets worse…We leave for downstairs and she is obviously and bit embarrassed. I tell her everything is cool and that I enjoyed time with her and thanks her for showing me around.She leaves me at the bar, heads off toward a door, and disappears. One of the ladies with whom I’d been speaking between Amanda’s tour and our “visit” came over and we chewed the fat for a minute.Renata About 6’ 6” in heels 125-130 pounds. Morena with short hair bleached toward blonde which tends to make it more copper than blonde. Legs from here to tomorrow. Tanned, of course.

As we spoke, she cuddled, reached down, and gave Mr. Happy some attention. Now, interested again, my uh, “interest” betrayed Amanda. So, Renata basically tells me that Amanda didn’t “get it done” and I need someone with a few more years and a bit more extensive “repertoire”. And, being a good representative for the “industry” she proceeds to tell me everything she offers.So, let’s get this straight. I’m sitting in a dark corner with a beautiful woman who while kissing my neck and nibbling my ear tells me that basically I have all sorts of…options.

But wait. Another with whom I’d become friendly comes over and joins the party. Renata rips off in Portuguese to this girl and I only catch every third word. When the conversation ends, the second girl kisses me softly, says something endearing then, tells me that Renata will make everything right. So, as Renata and I continue the conversation, the second girl catches the manager with whom I’d discussed the rules. They exchange a few words and the girl wanders off to strike up a conversation with other ladies in the room.

Renata and I continue talking and she says that because she likes me, if an hour isn’t long enough, she’d stay as long as I want. (Slips a piece of paper into my pocket.) Although a nasty question, I told her I wasn’t rich and asked her how much would she require for a date. (I still can’t find a suitable word for “date” in Portuguese.) Her response was “dinner and a movie.” Damn, every timid man’s dream. Dinner, movie, and booty so I wouldn’t feel like such a friggin’ whoremonger in Brazil. Oh hell, yeah! Although I imagine we’d look a little silly diddy boppin’ down the street with me 5’ 5” and Renata over 6’ in tennis, if she even owns any…

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Just then, Amanda comes out from the room. The manger scoots over and says something to her. Other ladies in the room basically snicker and point. Ol’ girl’s head is hanging low. Man, I felt so bad for her. And, embarrassing her was not my intention. It made sense. Renata told the other girl that because I was “hard” after having just left Amanda, Amanda didn’t do it right. (Now, the idioms Renata and the other girl used when speaking to each other make sense.) Surprisingly, the manager took an interest and spoke to Amanda about it.Now feeling really bad, I beat a hasty exit.

Recall that the bill was $142R. When I got out to reception the bill was $302R. $302R? Yep, I asked that they remove the parking and they did. When I enquired about the remaining $160R they asked if I spent time with a girl. When I answered, “yes I did but, I paid her in cash” the “pit boss” (several receptionists, one manager) asked the receptionist “which girl”. When the receptionist answered, “Amanda”, the pit boss (woman) whispered to security, who immediately ran off into the club. I just knew I was about to get my ass kicked for something I wouldn’t understand in any language. Security returned with the manager (from when I entered) in tow.

Very politely, and slowly (thank you cause I was a bit nervous by then) he told me one of the other girls told him of what happened with Amanda. He said a few words to the pit boss (woman) and turned to me and said that he understood what happened asked if everything is ok and what did I want to do. What did I want to do? Have to admit that question doesn’t come up too often. Maybe I should have asked for my money back. Then again, the house didn’t get their cut from her if I paid in cash so…

I told him that was cool (muito amable) but, I didn’t want to cause a problem and that everyone is new at something and, I still enjoyed myself. Renata and the other girls were kind to me also as I decided on a girl and after.So, I paid $137R and walked down to the garage (the only entrance and exit). When I arrived, a taxi waited. The driver called me by name and drove me home. Although, no discount on the fare. In fact, it cost more than the trip to the place.

From Moema to Millenium, $25R with 5 of that coming from heading in the opposite direction towards Bahamas before changing my mind and heading for Café M. Coming home the bill ran $35R.

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