Prostitution Report
from Maryland

It is Friday and the conference on Lost Pet Detection Techniques ends earlier than the day before. Ace Ventura steps out onto the 400 Block of East Baltimore Street at about 3:30 PM. He feels more composed than yesterday, more confident, more reflective, less horny. He reminds himself that his first trip to the Block was over 36 years ago. He reflects that while it is obvious that he could easily have “sat with” a mother years ago and her daughter some years later, it is disturbing to think that a mother-daughter-granddaughter combination is not outside the realm of possibility. He wonders why, at his advanced age, he still feel the need to visit Baltimore’s most infamous street, but then his chest fills with pride with the thought that even as an old man he can still do it.

(Forgetting for the moment that this is made possible by a pharmaceutical assist from Pfizier.) He notes the imposing fortress-like Baltimore Police Station just to the east. He recalls that the police would have to be blind, deaf and have IQ’s less than 50 not to know what activities transpire on the Block and thus feels safe. He notes that in his experience, only in Hamburg, Germany is the police station located so close to the adult entertainment district. He remembers when the area where the police station is located contained Block clubs, and recalls the time when the Block was actually 3 blocks long, the days when the Blockettes started out their dances in long sequined gowns, and when each bar had it’s own live jazz combo.

Ace makes his now legendary stroll down the south side of the street and rather quickly surveys the establishments there. He strolls into and out of the Circus, Midway, Jewell Box, Chez Joey, Oasis, Golden Nugget, and Club Pussy Cat, getting quick, free, but often revealing, looks at the merchandise on display, noting that the Dancer Board at the Oasis does list Dezire as being on duty. He promises himself he won’t miss her this time (unless something better comes along.) He wonders if someone will one day start a “Pussy Depot” and run all of these small establishments out of business.

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Ventura ends his exploratory jaunt at the Pussy Cat, and notes with glee that like times past, it is full of the tennie-bopper types that Ace favors. The Cat has been our hero’s favorite haunt over the years, and many pleasant hours have been spent in its darkened confines. But in recent months the Cat has disappointed with Blockette quality and quantity not being up to standard. Today, however, is more like it used to be. Ace takes a seat at the bar, orders an O’Doul’s, and checks out the offerings more completely. There are 10 (count em’ten) Blockettes in residence, strung out along the upper end of the bar. At first glance,every one of them appears to meet Ace’s standards. Ventura is drooling; the good old days of the Cat are back. He sits and waits and wonders how many of these sweet young things he can sample in one afternoon.

Ace waits a little longer. Then he waits a lot longer. Over a half hour period, not one of these desirable things approaches Ventura, or any of the other 4 Blockers strung out along the bar. The girls are talking, laughing, eating, combing their hair. They are NOT showing any interest in our heroThe interaction (or rather non-interaction) reminds Ace (unhappily) of his college days when the Sorority Sisters would keep to themselves and ignore a geek like him. But in this venue, he’s not a geek. He has money. He wants to spend it. These girls are presumable here to make some money. The way they make money is to hustle the guys who come in. Why would they come to work and just sit there and talk among themselves? Some things will always remain a mystery and this behavior continues to baffle Ace despite his years of Block experience.

Later during the recovery period of his tryst with Dezire at the Oasis, he will ask her, as a dancer, to explain this behavior. Dezire simply shrugs her shoulders. Ace’s frustration with the situation is brought back to him a few days later when a fellow Blocker writes, “Every girl in the pussycat was jerking off every customer.” Go figure. P-Cat Cost $6. At least Ace didn’t waste much money.

One of the beauties of the Block is that there are so many possibilities. If one venue doesn’t work out, there are 18 others to try. Ace feels he has messed around long enough at the Cat and decides he shouldn’t keep Dezire (or his neglected penis) waiting any longer. He walks down to the Oasis, takes a seat, is joined by Dezire even before the O’Doul’s is served, agrees to a $40 drink, moves to the back of the bar, pays the bartender and starts to snuggle, all in less than 4 minutes --the type of no-nonsense service that Ace prefers.

Speaking of preferences, we should digress a bit and talk about Dezire and why she is Ace’s current fave on the Block. First let’s get the negatives out of the way: She is a dark-skinned Afro-American, a type not usually rated high by our hero. She by no means has a pretty face. Her HJ technique is a bit heavy handed for Ace’s taste and she sometimes requires guidance in proper stroking action.

Ahhh but the positives: She is 19 years old and could pass for younger. Ace loves teens. She has a firm, firm thin body with a very nice tight little ass. She never asks for a tip or mentions money. Ace tips her only $20 for her services and she seems content with that amount. $40 is the more common tip for this level of service. She permits full access to her body. Titty rubbing and sucking, kitty petting, finger hiding are all accepted without any objections. She doesn’t talk much. Ace hates it when the Blockette tries to make conversation such as; “Are you married?” while the rod is being stroked. Always spoils the mood. Dezire will talk pleasantly initially, but then becomes silent or hums to the music when the rubber meets the road. Tits. Almost all the other attributes are unimportant compared to her tits. Ace feels they are simply perfect. Probably a small B-cup, nice small nipples, and absolutely, positively, completely firm. The kind of tits that look the same when a girl stands up, bends over, or lies down. Probably in a year or less, they will start to sag, but for right now, tits just don’t get any better than this.

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But I digress. Back in the real time Oasis, Ace settles in with Dezire. He is to find his session more extended than is usual with this no-nonsense chick. She warns Ace up front that she will have to go on stage and dance soon. As long as she comes back that is no problem. Watching a chick take off all her clothes and spread her crouch while knowing that he’ll soon get his hands on /in her can be very nice foreplay. Dezire does mention that if Ace purchases her a $60 drink instead of the $40, she would be excused from her dancing duties. Ace is unsure what other extras the $60 drink provides and declines, but considers trying that level of service in the future. Dezire proceeds to give Ventura some LD with her firm ass and Ace does some preliminary cuddling, kitty petting and fingering. Then she’s off to the stage.

One of the positive aspects of the Block Experience is the voyeur opportunities provided by watching other Blockers and Blockettes. Some prefer to have their Blocker to Blockette activities in privacy, but Ace has always found it a turn-on to watch others be serviced while he is being serviced himself. In the present case, while D is on stage, Ace divides his attention between watching her dance and watching the couple beside him. This Blocker and his Blockette are both Afro-American and do a lot of talking interspersed with some serious LD’ing. The dude then gets unzipped and appears to do some serious kitty petting while he rather quickly gets jerked off.

D returns and she and Ace get serious about the action. Remembering his amazing LD from the previous day in which his rod was pushed firmly into Dawn/Angel’s bare crouch, Ace unfurls his organ and places it between D’s buttocks. Bingo! The same cock to crouch action is permitted. However, the action feels a bit rough. Exploration reveals that there are 3 snaps from her teddy in that area. Ace unsnaps these offending devices, without any objection from D. Our hero then proceeds to get his cock rubbed against D’s puss, which is covered only by a very filmy g-string. Ace feels that in the interest of infection control this is just as well and does not attempt to remove this barrier to his rod, although it is frequently pushed aside for finger access. As was the case the previous day with Dawn/Angel, the pair alternates between this action and face-to-face HJ/finger hiding. All the time playing with/sucking those gorgeous nipples and breasts.

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Another snag appears in the form of a plainly dressed middle-aged woman who appeared by her actions to be a manager/owner. She takes money out of the jukebox and the cash register and spends some time talking with the bartender. During this time, D cautions that she and Ace have to be careful and although she is willing to grind his bare cock with her lightly covered pussy, she is unable to provide any hand action. This situation lasts for several minutes, and then the owner/manager leaves and D’s hand comes around. Ace’s fingers probe deeper, he fondles nip, he gets very close to the point of no return. It is at just that time that D “discovers” her drink is empty and that she needs another one. This is the first time Dezire had pulled this common Block ploy on Ace. Ventura thinks that with the extra time spent during the interruptions from the stage dancing and the visit by the owner/manager, it is reasonable to buy her another one. (That last statement is bullshit, Ace isn’t thinking anything at this point; he just needs to finish the task at hand and probably would have offered up his first-born if she had asked.) In short order, after the 2-nd $40 drink, Ace finds the relief he needs/wants/deserves. He sits in the glow for a while, goes to the bathroom for extensive washing. (Another bonus of the Oasis is that the bathroom actually has soap and towels. Many Block clubs do not provide these exotic items and Ace always carries a Zip-Lock in his back pocket with soap, towels, and some lotion.) D is willing to sit, talk, lightly snuggle for a while, an activity treasured by many Blockers, but once he regains his strength, Ace prefers to depart.

Cost at the Oasis: $5 for O’Doul’s (second one “on the house”), $80 for D’s drinks, $5 tip to the B’tender, $20 tip to D. Total $110. Ace thinks that’s a little pricey but not terrible.

Ace emerges into the daylight and makes the obligatory trip across the street to Crazy Johns and orders not one but two Polish Sausages with the “works.” After his protracted session with Dezire and the two sausages, Ace feels sated. He had planned on a double, but now feels it would be best to return to the home office. Alas, our hero looks at his watch and finds it is 5:00 straight up. Driving in Baltimore going-home traffic on a Friday at 5:00 borders on folly. He decides to hang around a bit longer. Probably not a wise decision, but Ace has made many (probably 100’s) of un-wise decisions on the Block.

Cost for sausages: $4 and change. Undoubtedly the best bargain on the street.

Remembering his success from the previous day, Ace saunters over to the Jewell Box, walks in, sits at mid-bar and orders an O’Doul’s. He is rapidly approached by one of the worst examples of a Blockette he has seen in a while. She appears to be in her later 40’s (but who knows with the mileage), stringy hair, multiple tattoos, drunk or high, ugly as sin, droopy body (especially tits). It appears that she probably smells bad, but Ace avoids getting that close. She grabs Ace’s joystick and proceeds to manipulate it, but Ace is somehow able to resist her advances and after a while she moves on.

As is often the case in such a situation, what can one do but become philosophical. The life of a Blockette is not an easy one. Putting your body on the line every day, having drunk smelly guys pawing you, hustling for every dollar. It can’t be a lot of fun, and is probably not the preferred occupation of any who work there. But imagine how much worse it must be to be an OLD AND UGLY Blockette. How can she make out? How much business can she generate? Does she offer some special service that only the true connoisseurs can appreciate? (“Sonny, I’ll keep an eye out for you.” Let me know if you haven’t heard that one before.) The mind wonders.

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At least he only spends $6 at the Box.

Still being too early to drive home, and not wanting to end his adventure on such a gruesome note, Ace proceeds to make his rounds of the clubs and ends up being attracted by the fat ass of a Blockette down in the bowels of the Golden Nugget. I n Ace’s considered opinion, the Nugget is the sleaziest, grimmest, most decrepit club in a large group of sleazy, grimy, decrepit clubs. One is always struck by the bar stool covers which are red and cracked with the stuffing exposed. It is probably best not to think about what bodily secretions may have left their residues therein.

Usually Ace does not prefer fat chicks. The worst problem is that they sweat. But once in a while, the idea of burying his face/body in a mound of flesh has its appeal. No names were taken at the Nugget. For a $20 drink Ace is allowed to indeed bury his face in some huge breasts. Fondling, squeezing, sucking are all permitted and encouraged. Ace has his joystick manipulated through his pants. He attempts to finger her puss, but can’t find the opening in the rolls of flesh. He begins to get interested, but notes that she is beginning to sweat, says “no mas” and tips her $5. Not bad for what he got.

A thinner, slightly shopworn chick comes by and rubs Ace just the right way so he buys her a $20 drink. Full access is permitted with finger hiding and titty sucking. She continues to rub nicely through the pants. Ace gets VERY interested, but alas the cheapest Big Drink offered is $80. From past experience, Ace knows that for that amount at the Nugget, pretty much ANYTHING you want to do in the back of the bar is permitted. The Blockette’s tip of course is extra with amount depending on the level of service. (The previous chick had offered an interesting titty f*ck.) Pat, the bartender, strictly enforces the rule that the pants stay zipped unless you buy the bigger drink. Ace feels he’s already spent enough money and the $80 seems excessive (although he later realizes he had spent a total of $80 on Dezire’s drinks a few minutes earlier.) Ace elects to go with another $20 drink with the expectation/hope that this chick can get him off through the pants. Alas, the thickness of Ace’s pants (he doesn’t usually wear LD pants to the Block, it just isn’t usually necessary), his previous orgasm, and a rather shortish time from the Blockette during the 2 nd drink, combine to prevent Ventura from the satisfaction he desires. Our hero tips her $10 for her efforts, decides to stop wasting money, leaves the Nugget, walks into the Gayety bookstore next door, and performs a manual override in a video booth while watching Max Hardcore defile some innocent young thing.

Golden Nugget Costs: $5 Beer, $60 Lady’s drinks, $15 tips to Blockettes, Bartender $5 Total of $87. Not really worth it. I could have gone directly to the Gayety and paid the same $2 I did eventually.

It is now 6:00; traffic should be thinning. Ace gets to his car pays $10 for parking and heads for the home office

Total costs: Day One: $94 Day 2: $222 (I don’t know if it adds up or not but that’s what Ace spent) Two day total $316. Too much. But then again, it’s always too much and Ace always comes back.

As Ace drives back to the home office, he has his usual reflections on the time and money he has spent and wonders why he does it. You dear readers all know why----and----none of us know why.

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